ii wish upon a s t a rr

Monday, April 04, 2005

yesterday (3/4/05) when i finally decided wat to do with my life... i no longer want to live in this world. i noe that alot of ppl will find it stupid but i really cant stand it le. everytime quarrel in the family over all matters. and ytd is a very serious quarrel... he said he wan tuo li guan xi and i said fine... i really really dunno wat i shld do also... crying over the matter for 2 days. today i also dunno y i started crying again. i feel so tired over life... is not those normal tired over studies, work all that. is a totally different kind of tired. i nv had such feeling of tired be4. is like u got no more energy to carry on with anything... u juz feel like sleeping forever. and because of that tired of life, i decided to end my life... now i m still alive in this world is thanz to my brother, huiying, huixian,kee kiat, fucai, alex and jiayi. they had been persuading me not to die... die is not a solution. i m glad to have all such nice friends but i also wan a happy family? m i expecting alot? y they cant grant me such a small expectation? i hate to quarrel with them almost everyday. i m so so so tired. i also scared my brother.... haiz i m not a good sister at all. i asked him to take pen knife he said dun have. so i went to take a scissors and nearly cut my wrist... i stopped because he started crying. still rmb sec 1 i cut my wrist also because of the same reason... maybe ytd i m not calm to handle such matter that y thinking of death... but now i m clear in mind... i still have some suicidal tots. i think i really need some counselling le... when i wanted to smile to my bro juz now, i realise that i dunno how to smile. i cant smile. jus like a balloon that burst ytd. but with some helps of others, this balloon was saved but in a bad state. it is going to burst again soon if we dun deflate it. i got no mood in studying now.... anyway thanz friends. nv regret knowing all of u. sorry to make everyone of u worry. sorry if i interupt ur studies... sorry and thanz...

inl0vewiitheu__x]# 2:28:00 PM